Vanity Card #27 – The Captain’s Log

27captainslog.jpg

”TRANSMISSION START”

”TIME: 1930 HOURS, LOCATION: PLANET EARTH”

This is the collective memory sequence log.

In my twenty-five years of being a lost survivor on this lousy planet, I’ve never encountered such a phenomenal matter of the mind. These creatures that have inhabited this tangible rock with delightful fauna are absolutely fascinating works of nature. In my personal discoveries I’ve found the mammals the ultimate vertebrates which have found means to survive through intellectual reasoning. One particular breed among these mammals have been gifted the dominance among other species by evolution. Here on planet Earth they call themselves “humans”. Quite a petty name in my opinion.

My studies for the interstellar research project proceeded to focus on these mammals and the interaction has been an eye-opening experience. Here are some factual information regarding these humans.

They are capable of wielding great muscular power when facing a dangerous situation. According to further studies the human body is possible to generate ridiculous amounts of adrenaline which increases their heart rate and the oxygen level flowing into their muscles. During these dangerous events they are capable of doing incredible feats of strength. Although this phenomenon happens seldom and most of the test subjects were suffering from a lack of healthy self-preservation. Apparently Netflix does not give anyone a six pack unless you’re talking about beverages.

Another interesting scientific fact about these humans are their perception which is one of the finest in our solar system. Although humans are not able to great perception in the dark, during the daytime they are the visual predators that have extensive eyesight. In order to survive through the harsh nights the human race has made a pact with Felis Catus, a furry breed of four legged felines that have a god complex. From my own personal observation it seems the Felis Catus got the better side of that deal.

On the side note the human eyes are truly marvelous. The hole located in the center of iris of the eye is able to dilate when the human sees something desirable.

Like a fine piece of cake.

The most entertaining part of my research is seeing these both described processes interact on the human mind level. Humans are the mammal race that copulate together (for gender specifications, check index B.) in order to give birth to new generations. Although it might seem like a physical matter on a research paper, my studies expose something more fascinating.

In order to copulate humans are possible to spend years in the detailed mission to find a suitable partner. My personal thoughts are quite mixed about the study results since I’ve witnessed bitter occurrences. Few of my finest test subjects seemed to be really close and in many ways suitable partners together. However the copulation process did not occur during the test period – even though both subjects showed signs of pupil dilation and increased heart rates. It’s a quite bizarre outcome that makes my research in the field of human logic quite worthless.

If you ask for my professional opinion I would rather start throwing rocks at Mars than spend more time studying for this project. Netflix is great though.

”END OF TRANSMISSION”

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